It’s been four days since Leyanne got here and I still cannot get any kind of read on her. She’s
annoyingly distant, still likes to play vague and although she gives us zero indication that we can’t trust
her, it’s always there swirling around like an underlying coldness. I don’t know if it’s like Carmen, with
her wall of explainable hostile to keep people at bay. Or if her magic somehow gives her this aura of
power and distance, but I get severe lonely and empty vibes from her that I can’t quite decipher.
Not much has happened while we go through the motions of current daily life and plod along. Carmen
isn’t really showing face often, only in brief passing, and seems to stick to her room which is
understandable. Given how much she now has to process while we have downtime. She asked for
time, to grieve, to absorb, to be alone with the pangs of missing her newfound mate and the loss of her
family and I let her alone. She needs time and understanding, two things I never had when I suffered
similar things and I want to give her that. I feel it’s the least I can do, to soften her pain in some way
because I feel responsible for all of it. Even though I know I’m not.
Meadow is overseeing the patrols, the sentinel shifts, and the village, to make sure no one ventures
beyond the rune line and we are trying to present as much normal as we can. All while Leyanne and
Sierra lock themselves below the house and pour over grimoires in a bid to figure out the best way to
combat this damn fog. On the surface everything seems fine, despite what we all know but don’t talk
about, but it’s not and their absence invades the air more by the hour every day.
I am under orders to rest, to retain my energy and everyone in the house is treating me like fragile
glass. Sierra has stopped pushing me to confirm the pregnancy as I decided I would wait for him. To let
him be part of that confirmation when he comes home. I need to give him something in this news, a
sweet way to remember the moment seeing as the discovery was not sweet at all.
I miss him so badly that I find myself wandering to the border to catch glimpses of him, even if it’s fury
filled and he’s looking at me like he wants to devour me and throw my carcass to his pack. He still
doesn't recognize me and he still views me as something to kill.
I’m in agony, broken without him, pining for him more so as the days stretch into endlessness. I’ve cried
myself to sleep so many times, only to wake an hour later at the loss of his heat beside me and start all
over again. My mind eternally muggy with tiredness and loss. I can't stand waking alone, missing his
hugs, needing his voice, and his safe presence. I need his stability, his wisdom, his gentleness. I just
want him so badly it's destroying me on a mental level I have no way of combatting. I feel like I’m
suffocating without him, without them. So close yet so unreachable and seeing him does nothing to
alleviate the despair of not being able to talk to him, touch him, or get close. It kills me to look at him,
but not seeing him is just as bad.
The sub pack, the rest of our sentinels, and our people too; I feel their loss like grieving my family all
over again. All out there staring inward, and hell bent on getting their chance at coming for us as soon
as they can.
What they don’t know is that it’s coming. It’s the one thing I know for certain, whether she finds a way to
completely dissolve the fog effortlessly, or with extra effort. She is adamant she still has to get in the
mountain to do it but she is confident that she will break this curse. We need to get her through our
wolves, and through those vampires, to find the witches and deal with what they have done. We won’t
abandon our people and leave them to grow old and lost in the forests around their home.
“You know that whatever the plan is, you can’t come, Chica.” Meadow breaks into my thoughts as we
walk the perimeter together near dusk. Some nights I need this to be able to sleep at all, just to glimpse
him before I go to our room alone. Meadow and I taking some time together to escape for a few
minutes and forget everything weighing on us for a second. It feels like the responsibility has been
suffocating these past days and times alone and away from the house just to take a breath is all that is
getting us through. Meadow is suffering Cesar’s loss as I suffer Colton’s and she’s getting weary and
low as the days drag one., Her fighting spirit is barely holding on.
“You know I have to. Meadow, I’m still the strongest of all that we have, even if I cannot turn. I’m a
better chance of success than ten of the land wolves from the village. I can’t let others do what I can do
better.” I try to hold my ground, even if I know where her concern comes from.
“You can’t turn… What if you get hurt? What if you need to heal?” Meadow stops me with a hand on my
wrist and turns me to her, seriousness etched over her face and her eyes gleaming with worry.
“I’ll just have to make sure I don’t get injured, won’t I? With my gifts it shouldn’t be hard to build a
bubble around myself if I get cornered. I need to lead; I need to be there with my pack to fight through
what we have to. They need to see me lead.” I lift my hand and run gentle fingers across her cheek to
try and convince her that this is what’s best, but Meadow grabs me with force and hugs me against her
somewhat aggressively.
Meadows voice breaks with sheer emotion, against my hair as her emotions spill out.
“I promised him, that no matter what, I would always protect you for him…. I swore, Chica, so many
months ago, that if anything ever happened and he couldn’t get to you first, then I would. This isn’t
protecting you.” Her croaks turn to sobs, burying her damp face against my hair and our cheeks lay
side by side, feeling her agony seeping out, and it almost breaks me in two. Bringing him up this way,
knowing he made her promise something like that way back then, and the ache of my pain at longing
for him brings tears to my own eyes. He always thought of me above everything and always puts me
first. Even not here, his influence is Meadow, and she speaks for him.
“I can’t be a Luna and yet hide behind everyone else. I need to be the one to protect my people, even
you. Even him. I’ve been sheltered for too long by him, by you, by everything he has in place to make
sure I never have to really put myself out there. I have to be the one to do this, lead all of you. I have to
be worthy of being his mate when it’s called for.” My words are not just for her, but for my own heart too
and the doubts I have circling inside like a brewing storm. I could so easily use my children as an
excuse to stay here and let them go out and fight in my name, but what kind of Luna would that make
me. I know I have gifts that others don’t possess, and I know that the fates will only be happy when I
fulfill the role they have asked of me all along. I need to do this.
“You have more to protect than just you… you heard what she said that night. About getting weaker,
being vulnerable with your gifts. I’ve seen it with my own eyes these last days, happening so quickly.
Lorey, you’re not invincible and I see you fading.” Meadow’s stubborn tone only softens my resolve a
little, but I know I can’t give up.
“Then we need to do it sooner rather than later, before I worsen. Part of this is my broken heart and
emotional exhaustion from being apart and won’t hinder me out there when I know it’s to save him.
Right now, my gift is still strong enough… and I have no choice.” With no word from Darrius and no
sign of the vampires receding… we have to do this. I don’t want to wait for something that may never
come. There was no guarantee that the high lord would do anything when he found out I lived and
Meds is right, I am weakening much faster than I ever anticipated. These past days my tiredness has
been severe, my skills at harnessing energy has dampened a little and I seem to wear out so quickly
from even menial tasks. We have to break the spell ourselves and bring them home before I do end up
completely useless. Leyanne suggested that being twins, and hybrids, are why it’s so much harder on
me than expected. I’m feeding all my energy to two little powers in the making and my body is trying to
keep up.
“There’s nothing I can say is there? I can’t lock you up, or even have Sierra hold you captive. Your
stronger than us, even when you’re pregnant.” Meadow sighs, knowing defeat when she feels it and I
hug her tight. Wrapping her in a maternal embrace and stroke her hair lovingly.
“Exactly…. so all the more reason I should be the one to lead and take Leyanne to the mountain with
you. We can’t leave our people alone without anyone, so Sierra must stay and watch those who truly
cannot come, and so must the ones who may need to continue protecting them if we fail.” The plan was
always to assemble our strongest few, a small army, and march together in hopes we’ll be enough.
Leaving behind enough of the Santo pack that their bloodline will live on.
“You realize if we fail, that means you don’t come back either… and if you die, so does Colton, so does
the Rema.” Meadow pulls back, blinking at me through misty eyes and wipes her face. Unable to shield
me from her genuine fear. The air between us heavy with so many swirling emotions and I can’t fight
the growing anxiety from knowing all that could happen.
“I’ve thought of that… it would mean that so does Juan. So at least in some way the others can return
to the mountain when the spell finally fades. They can rebuild, elect a new alpha, and life will carry on.
I’ve already asked Leyanne to help me leave instructions for the villagers should they need to move on
without us.”
“I don’t like this. You’re talking like you don’t expect us to succeed. So what are we even doing, huh? If
you’re leaving secret plans for the people to forget us then why don’t we wait, find another way.”
Meadow falls back into open crying, her lip trembling and her voice faltering. The strong and sassy
warrior crumbling when faced with the possibly of losing so much more. Her heart has always been
bigger than her fierce and only those she loves most ever see this side to her.
“I’m being smart…. it’s not that I think we’ll fail! I just have to make sure that if we do, the pack have a
plan, have some place to aim if everything goes wrong. I need to pay attention to the details in the way
Colton would. He always has a backup plan, always covers all bases.”
I’m doing what a Luna does. Preparing for the worst. Putting provisions in place should my people be
left without Luna, Alpha or Rema or any of the strongest that have protected them most of their lives. I
have chosen a wolf as beneficiary to stay behind and oversee the financial security of the pack, the
making sure they have all they need. They will be the one that is left with my instructions to carry out
should we perish out there.
“It feels like tempting fate and signing off on our death certificates.” Meadow breaks loose and walks
away from me and stalks to the tree line, gazing out into the fog. She shudders when the dark shadows
that always linger and wait out there, flash past eerily, her face paling as she recognizes the one she
can’t bear to look at. Unlike me, Meds actively avoids seeing her mate out there, she can’t handle it
and wants to pretend he’s asleep somewhere and not here like this. They are always watching, always
waiting, poised for our take down and it just adds to the growing unease in our homestead.
“The fates are on our side. They wouldn’t have sent us to fetch Leyanne if they weren’t. I have faith in
what they plan…… please, Meds, have faith in me.” I ask of her, my voice laced with conviction that I
don’t truly feel, and Meadow slumps down into the grass and tugs at stems and throws them into the
airless space around her.
“You sound more like him every day. He even said the same thing to me the day he defeated his
father…. ‘have faith in me’…. Look where that got us, huh? God, that boy… I miss him so much. I miss
my Cesar; I miss all of them. Even those stupid twins and all their frustrating antics. I feel like my heart
is ripped apart and the pieces were left scattered someplace cold.” Her tears fall fast, a watery smile
appearing on her face as she reminisces over our sub pack and then frowns as the pain of their
memory aches all over again.
Her words warm me though and somehow give me some pride. That maybe Colton, he would be a little
proud of how I was holding this together. That enough of him rubbed off on me that it’s somehow
getting me through even though he’s not with me to hold me up. Colton is a leader, to the core. I
learned from the best and if I can only be a fraction of what he is, then I will never fail. Our sub pack
and our boys will come home if I can be anything like he is.
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