I unload my clothes from my bag into my wardrobe, alone in my bedroom while Jenny and Christian are
being shown to guest rooms downstairs, after a less stressful drive from the airport. Jake had two cars
waiting for us upon landing; thankfully Arrick went with his brother and Nate in the other car and left us
three to head to my parents” home in peace. My head and heart still reeling with the after-effects of
being so near him for that journey. I just feel drained, uptight and antsy, like I am all out of whack and I
can’t get my act together. I need some cooling off time to breathe and accept the fact that YES, that
asshole still fucks me up whether I like it or not.
Whether he deserves it to or not!
I’m taking some time out after being welcomed home by my mom and dad, getting my head together
after seeing him again. I must admit, I need this more than I thought I would. Being around him still
hurts more than it should, part of me aching for how we used to be and hating the distance between us
now, despite everything.
I hate how much I still miss him, even after months of not seeing him. Time has not eased the severity
of my pain or longing. It’s not getting any easier. If anything, the depth of how much I miss him has only
worsened, the longer it’s been. I hoped this would eventually get better, not worse, and seeing him is
torture.
I hate that I am this pathetic, that despite the pep talks, the late-night tears until I fall asleep and the
willingness to just hate him. I can’t. There is too much that he did for me in my past that still lingers too
close to my heart.
He took me under his wing, introduced me to his friends and his lifestyle. He sheltered me from
everyone and let me use him as a human shield whenever I needed one. He lifted my mood when I
couldn’t get out of bed and he brought me movies and hugs when I was sick. Even when he left for
trips or college, he never broke contact. He always came home, and I was always the first person he
came to see. Always with some sort of gift from his absence, a trinket, or a keepsake, or one of the ten
million stuffed unicorns I own.
Then in one fell swoop, he became someone I didn’t know, who threw all that in my face and turned his
back on me. I don’t get how he could have turned out to be the best thing in my life, to the absolute
worst, in one change of feelings. I never thought he would be the one to deliver the blow to my heart
that could completely ruin me. I guess I should have learned a long time ago, that in the end, everyone
you let in ultimately hurts you. The only person you can rely on is yourself.
I finish hanging up my clothes and wander to my en-suite to run a bath. I need to unwind before dinner
with my family, Jenny, and Christian. Leila wants to meet my besties before her party and I don’t really
want to face anyone until I am more able to carry on this ruse, that Arry and I are how we have always
been, with all of them. No one knows, no one suspects anything, and I hope at the party it won’t be
obvious that we no longer talk.
It will break my parents” hearts to know I have lost the one person in my life who held me together for
years. I don’t want to tell them, don’t want them to hate him or feel sorry for me. I want everyone to
assume that life is normal, fine, and rosy, and it’s so much easier to never bring him up when they
come to the city. They all just assume we are still hanging out.
I want to pamper and beautify myself for my grand entrance at my sister’s party tomorrow, show
everyone how far I have come in such a brief time, and act like everything is alright.
***
“So, you’re not dating either of them then?” Leila looks pointedly at Christian across the table, waving
her fork with that crazy narrowed gaze. Christian smiles sassily, perched between Jenny and me at my
parents dinner table and gives a little shrug. Everyone looking his way as dinner has started to get
underway with the first bout of sisterly interrogation. We have barely had time to get our starter down
our necks and she is on his ass. Completely predictable Leila.
“I know, I am a total demon, right? Two beautiful and classy women on my arm and neither one floats
my boat. Wrong sex sweetie.” Christian raises an eyebrow and then dives into his soup, smiling like the
cat that got the cream and Leila turns her attention to Jenny, looking a little unimpressed. Up until she
met him face to face, I think she harbored hopes he was husband material for her problematic kid
sister.
“Okay … so then, your boyfriend is … ?” Leila is trying to suss out from our conversations how
everyone fits together and being blatantly rude about it. Looking at Jenny as though she better answer
or the offensive fork she’s waving around may be jammed in her eye.
“Mark, we have been dating for almost two years. He doesn’t go to school with us; he is a chef and
works in a hotel kitchen.” Jenny blushes, hating that all eyes are on her now and getting increasingly
uncomfortable. She squirms in her seat, dropping her chin to hide behind her bangs and concentrates
on pushing her soup around with her spoon. I throw her a supportive smile, squeeze her shoulder and
rub it a little as if to say “ignore my psycho sister.”
This is just Leila being Leila.
“And you?” Leila is back on me, unsurprisingly. I knew she was only working her way to me as mom
told her to stop singling me out when she arrived. She has been wheedling her way towards me again
from that moment.
“Yes, Leelou?” I throw her that “what now” look that she adores … Not.
I am in no way intimated by Miss. Bossy Pants. and her need to demand Intel at the slightest drop of a
hat. I only saw her two weeks ago, nothing much has happened in such a short space of time to be
interested in.
“I’ll beat you if you use that name again. Still no man? Still not dating? What about that cute guy that
Mom said lives down the hall?” She blinks at me seriously, clearly thinking she is somehow
commanding an action just by bringing it up. I don’t even know why they are all so obsessed with me
settling down with a guy. From what I have seen, they are a lot more hassle than they are worth.
“Mom, really? You told Leila there was a cute guy? What are you? Twelve?” I throw my gaze at her
accusingly and she giggles innocently. My mom, who may be old as the hills now, can be incredibly
girlish and juvenile at times. Joey is young enough to be her son, yet that clearly didn’t stop her
checking him out.
Ewww.
“He was very cute for a young man, and he held the door for us when we were arriving. Lovely boy,
said he was your neighbor.” My mom smiles sweetly, and I catch my dad rolling his eyes in a teen girl
kind of way. Luckily for her, he knows my mom is a shameless man admirer and would never do
anything other than ogle. Faultlessly loyal and she does adore my father to death.
“Pretty sure you probably interrogated him, much like she’s doing now. It was probably Joey and, no,
not dating him and don’t want to.” I pout, going back to dunking my bread roll in my starter and stuffing
my face with all the ladylike manners of an ape, ignoring the inquisitive sisterly eyes is my best plan.
“Sadly!” Christian sighs and gives me that “you are completely hopeless child” look, he has perfected
from watching the little mermaid one too many times. I know he thinks it’s cute and Sebastian is
currently his obsession, but it’s plain weird.
“Get your panda eyes off me. You date him if you like him so much.” I throw my napkin at him and my
father gives me the “behave” look. Christian throws it back with a challenging grin. Not phased at all by
my dad’s attempts at being the head of the table.
“So, Sophie, how’s school?” Daniel cuts in, being the man of the moment and saving our family from
ourselves, like he always does. He puts a hand on Leila’s shoulder and gives her a little squeeze,
which I know is Daniel talk for “lay easy on her for tonight.” He’s about the only human in existence that
can control that rabid beast, sometimes.
Leila has been circling aggressively since I got here. I don’t know what’s with her. I hope to God she’s
not pregnant again, but all the signs are there. Irrational moods and weird sporadic tears, aggressive
behavior, and the questioning, like she belongs in the Gestapo. If I see her eat anything with cream,
then I will buy her the damn test myself. She hates cream, milk, dairy, anything like that, yet pregnant
she lives on it. Biggest neon sign ever and I eye up her plate with serious doubt. Nothing creamy on
show.
If there is a God above, then please do not let her fall pregnant while I am nearby.
It’s not that I wouldn’t like my sister to have more kids, it’s just, Leila is awful when pregnant and to be
fair, as a mother she is kind of terrifying. Unlike Emma with her earth momma vibe and gentle nature;
Leila is a hot mess who runs her twins to school in her pajamas and hair rollers. She drinks way too
much wine when her kids are driving her insane, and as both boys have ADHD and are the most hyper
kids known to man, I can hardly blame her.
She loves the convenience of microwaves and had to hire a cook to make sure they had a decent diet,
yet she loves to fuel them on anything that shuts them up. Even if that’s daily soda and chips when
Daniel isn’t looking. Pregnant she hates everyone, everything, breathes fire, and makes everyone
suffer along with her. I don’t get how Daniel survives at all.
“Good. I love it and I really feel like I have found my calling in life.” I smile gently at him. I love Daniel.
For a guy who used to be one lady killing, party boy, with serious sex addiction, he turned out to be the
best thing that ever happened to my sister and he clearly adores her. He is the calm to her wild, the
serene to her crazy, and he knows just how to handle her.
“She’s amazing, you should see the portfolio she is building. I think we have the next big thing on our
hands.” Jenny beams: far more comfortable in talking about others than herself, and she smiles with
pride at me. She reminds me of that girl next door stereotypes in movies, who always turn out to be the
cute girl at the end who gets the hot man.
“I think both of you are equally talented, we work well the three of us. Different strengths, different
characters and we sort of merge to make one amazing team.” I laugh when Christian fans himself a
little dramatically. Jenny laughing along with me and nudging him playfully.
“But I, of course, bring all the pizazz.” He beams at us, fluttering those annoyingly dark long lashes and
looking all coquettish.
“True!” Both Jenny and I say in unison and then giggle. I catch Daniel eyeing me warily; I can almost
sense that little mind working away behind brown eyes. I give him an intense narrowed look and get
that Daniel Hunter special smile. The “I know what’s going on” cheeky glint that Leila usually hates him
for.
“I would love it more if you had a nice fella to come home to every night. Is Arry still keeping an eye on
you? The city isn’t safe for single girls anymore, Sophs.” Leila carries on, digging into another round of
bread with relish and I seriously revisit the pregnancy thing. She isn’t normally a big eater. I catch
Daniel frowning her way too and wonder if he is thinking the same thing as she demolishes her third
bread roll.
“I don’t need Arrick to take care of me anymore; pretty sure he has enough women to be taking care of
nowadays.” I snap a little too hastily, the interrogating eyes on me and curse myself at my lack of
control. I need to learn not to react whenever he is the subject.
“Meaning?” Leila is full boar staring at me now. Most of the quiet chit chat around us falls away as
everyone listens in with interest. I guess the sudden silence is the moment of bated breath where they
all sit astonished that I am no longer the puppy dog trailing Arrick Carrero.
“He has a life and a woman. We just don’t see each other much now, we’re both so busy.” I lie expertly.
Deflecting flawlessly with a raised brow and air of nonchalance.
“But she has us, I live nearby, and Jenny is three blocks further out, and were never away from her
side.” Christian cuts in. Savior that I adore and knowing how to sidetrack the interrogator faultlessly.
“It’s not like him to not be around as much? Have you two had a fight?” Leila has her eyes on me,
homed in, and scrutinizing me. Almost like that little bloodhound side to her paranoid personality is
suddenly sniffing something out, and I steady my breath to appear unaffected.
“No. Can we stop talking about him, please? I’m sure I can have a life that doesn’t revolve around him,
and it had to happen one day … you know, growing up, moving on. I can’t live in his shadow forever.” I
keep my voice deadpan, nerves steady and concentrate on funneling soup into my mouth carefully.
Precision perfect.
“Arrick’s a busy man, babes. I’m sure he is still looking out for her in every way, like he always did.”
Daniel cuts in, throwing me an unreadable look, he clearly knows full well that Arrick is no longer in my
life. Jake is his best friend and that makes Arry one too. His choice not to tell my sister, however,
baffles me. But then I guess he is just looking out for me, knowing fine well she would demand I come
back home without my eternal fucking guardian. Like little Sophie is incapable of surviving in life without
his ever-looming presence to make sure I don’t fuck it all up.
Figures!
“We just saw him last week. Complete sweetheart.” Christian smiles softly, deviously vague and
curbing more suspicion.
“Right. And he has that girlfriend, Natasha, to be caring for too, it’s not down to him to be solely
responsible for our girl. She’s got to learn to do it solo.” My dad cuts in and I tense, anger bubbling at
the mention of her while Leila is riling my nerves. Suddenly ultra-touchy with this subject when I know
the source of my heartache is less than a hundred feet away at his parents” house tonight. This is why I
have avoided family dinners, where everyone gets to come together to focus on me.
“Nice girl … never really seen the connection though, she’s a bit … I don’t know … bland. A bit quiet
and tame, for our Arry.” My mom is frowning my way as if she expects me to have some sort of input
and I frown hard back at her.
“Lame more like.” Leila mutters and for once I find myself smiling at her impulsively. I always knew she
was lukewarm to the other girl, but she has never actually openly insulted her in front of me before.
“Leila!” My mother scolds, giving her a stern maternal look of displeasure.
“She’s a very sweet young lady and seems like a genuine homely person. She is always very polite
and well mannered.” She adds with a gentler tone that doesn’t seem all that genuine, and I start to
wonder how long I have been oblivious to my family’s distinct lack of affection for the girl Arrick has
been bringing home for two years.
When did this happen?
“Again lame. I can understand someone like Rylanne hooking up with a Natasha, I mean he is all for a
1950”s housewife who wants to stay home barefoot and pregnant, that’s why he is dating Brie, but
never a Carrero. Definitely not Arrick!” Leila’s stuffing her face with more bread and throws me an odd
look that gets a flat response. I won’t be goaded into a reaction that betrays anything. My friends have
fallen silent and eating to deflect attention and my face is flaming. Hoping they all drop this topic soon.
As interested as I am to hear they don’t all adore her, I am not relishing his name being passed around
or his relationship analyzed when all I want to do is forget him.
“Arrick clearly likes her, so I guess it’s none of our business!” I point out steadily. I catch Daniel
frowning at me for a moment before he clears his throat and looks away, it’s an odd moment but I let it
slide. Not sure what to make of it.
“True. Everyone gets to make their own choices in life. Even if they are the wrong ones.” Daniel cuts in,
sighing heavily and sitting back casually. He rubs his flat stomach and stretches, seemingly bored with
how this conversation is going and finished with his starter. He has always been completely
comfortable at my family table. Leila throws him a sarcastic look, reminding him of all his wrong choices
in their past and he just hits her with an award-winning smile and swoops in to kiss her on the mouth. A
quick chaste peck that makes her soften visually.
Still weak for him then. Kinda cute, yet also gross.
“Talking of which, where are the rest of them? Surely everyone is coming to the party tomorrow?” I look
at my mom and then Leila, wondering why my brothers get to escape this unbearable dinner tonight.
Family tradition dictates we all have to be here on the eve of Leila’s smash-up and I could have used
the numbers to avoid this strained topic.
“They are all arriving at different points throughout the day tomorrow. Life Sophs, kids, jobs …
everyone will be here for the party.” My dad frowns, motioning for the housekeeper to start removing
plates for the next course. I watch Leila almost wrestle the bread plate from her angrily.
“Except the kids … I told you, Mom. No kids this year. I plan to get completely bladdered, dance up a
storm and have a kid-free night and no children will be ruining our buzz.” Leila growls at the
housekeeper who puts the bread plate back on the table like a feral beast protecting her babies.
“My sweet maternal little wife.” Daniel rolls his eyes, but my mom smiles patiently, used to the diva in
her and her not so maternal demands.
“Yes, Leila, we all know. I made sure to inform all guests that this is a child-free affair. We have a kid’s
get together for everyone on Sunday afternoon.” My mom tries to smooth her ruffled feathers with a
warm tone and gentle smile.
“Should have made that Monday, Mom. Hangovers can be an all-day thing when you’re an alcoholic
like Leelou.” I smirk her way and catch the evil glare.
“Shut up or I’ll impale you with my breadknife.” She sounds deadly serious and holds up a rather long
and sharp implement that she has swiped from the bread plate in the center. Daniel leans in smoothly
and removes it from her fingers, handing it off to the passing housekeeper with a grateful smile. Leila
glares at him coldly.
“I agree though. Hangovers and family fun days do not mix. Leila is like a beast the day after a party.”
Daniel concedes, giving my sister an eyebrow wiggle that breaks that icy look to a softer almost
grudged smile and my mom sighs heavily.
“Sunday is the only day they will all be staying until. People have lives for goodness” sake, and I want
to see all my babies and grandbabies in one place before you all leave again.” She seems close to
tears, deflated at her ruined plans.
“I don’t have kids and I will be on a flight home Sunday afternoon, Mom.” I shrug unapologetically. I do
not want to be around for that little get together with a hangover. Screaming kids and arguing family is
my idea of a hangover nightmare and I could never subject Christian and Jenny to that mess.
“I don’t know why I bother sometimes, I really don’t.” My mom huffs and sighs as my dad pats her hand
sympathetically. Giving her a tender smile that seems to perk her up.
“I plan on staying in bed till Monday.” Leila ruins it with that little exclamation, in diva mode, with a
spoiled brat tone.
“I’ll bring the kids. Don’t worry about it, we have Christmas coming in a few months and you know that’s
a week-long family get together.” Daniel is trying to be the savior once more, my poor momma gripping
on with her fingertips to her dream reunion.
“Because that’s something to look forward to.” I roll my eyes sarcastically and then laugh when Leila
throws her bread at me and sends my mom into scolding overdrive.
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