I'm already here but how can I pull myself together? My phone keeps ringing and I know it's Raze. I
look at it and again my tears went unstoppable. I rejected his call for the 50th time.
Shit! My heart's totally ripped.
I received a lots of messages from him and mommy Rousey. Arggh! No! I don't have a right to call her
that, I don't!
Everyone's looking at me so I took a seat and wipe my tears every seconds.
From Raze: Love, I didn't know that you left already. Why? Did I do something inconvenience? I
thought you're just preparing and work early. Why you leave me? Is it because your dad was sick?
He keeps on hurting me, he don't understand.
Conscience: because you didn't explain. You say nothing!
Yeah! That's right! I'm coward.
From Raze: I'm your boss, I want you back. I'm your boyfriend... No! I'm supposed to be your future
husband. Love, I need you here by my side. Please, tell me what's wrong.
Answer my damn calls, please! We're happy together right? Why you have to leave?
I can't clearly see his messages since my tears loves interrupting. I feel like my strength were totally
gone and seems I'm not able to move anymore.
I do regret but in what case? Do I feel regret because I fall in love with him? No! Do I regret leaving
him? Yes but that's the only way to make everything fine again. Shit! I can't read any of his messages
anymore or else I won't stop crying.
"I love you very much! K3U! 8 letters for you my love. I'm heartedly saying sorry but I have to end
what's between us. I have a valid reason love. Hope you understand." The words I typed while crying
and hardly breathing and those will be my last words for him. I blocked him to my contact list and even
at my social media accounts. I must do it though I'm against. It's my pain but I can't do things to hurt
me so long.
There's much hurt than leaving him and that's forcedly trying to forget him. I'm crazy!
I wipe my tears again when Stacey calls me.
"Hi, how's dad?" I saw how worried she was but I'm really hurt.
"Sis, I'm sorry! All of it won't happen if they didn't use us." Her eyes glow not because of amusement
but it's because she's sad and she's sorry.
"I'm fine, that's fine. We're just not meant to be!" I answer and look away.
"Dad's one now. Anyway, your childhood friend Ron will fetch you, he volunteered."
"I see, okay! Thanks sis! You can end the line now, I'll just wait Ron here." I just don't want to hear
more. I know, I can't stop my tears.
Raze, if we're meant to be... we'll meet again!
It's hard to be strangers with him again.
I was really scared to lose you but I just did. You're someone I love the most and someone I lost, I'm
sorry love but incase we bump into each other in the future and then you have your own family then
we'd just smile because memories would flood, that's sad.
Shit! What am I thinking? I'm just tormenting myself. We just know each other for months but I feel like I
known him for years. I missed him already.
I look at the sky, were far from each other now but I hope he'll be happy with her.
"Catherine~" it's a kind of sweet yell.
I look back and it's Ron so I wave. He walk out from his car and he's now walking towards me.
He seemed more fit right now, he looks cool and handsome too yet Raze was 5x more handsome than
him. Gush! I'm thinking about him again and how dare me to compare my childhood best friend to my
boyfriend...e-ex boyfriend?
"Hi Ron, gush! You look great!" I exclaimed like a happy kiddo. As if.
"You're more beautiful yet you looks wasted. What happened to your eyes?" Awww, like before, he's
still straightforward and can notice what's wrong immediately b-but my eyes obviously swelling.
"My eyes got irritated! I missed you. How are you?" I say and secretly grin, wishing e would not ask me
about my eyes again or else he'll dig every reason of it while I'm in tears stream.
"I missed you too my childhood best friend. I miss old times that you'll cry over a candy." He said and
chuckle.
"Yeah! Then you'll give me a lot though mom will scold you then the next day you'll give lollipops to me
secretly and I'll hide it so mom won't get mad." I laugh. I remember how cry baby I was and he was my
Knight and also my clown to entertain and to make me laugh most of the time.
I wish I'll go back being a kid where I don't have any problem than eating and endlessly playing with my
friends but most of the time only Ron and I plays a lot.
"Let's go? Let's talk more later" he said and carry my suitcases and put it inside the car's compartment
before he open the shotgun seat. Gentlemen as always!
Along the way he talks a lot while I keep myself great at pretending, pretending to be fine.
"Ron-ron" I suddenly utter.
I just remember the past.
"You always said it sweetly, Cathy!" I smile as he utter the name that only him calls it.
"You still remember it? I still love hearing it!" I'm glad. All of my friends always tease me before because
for them 'Lorence' was only a name for a man but Ron² always cheer me up and call me Cathy! That's
sweet.
"How can I forget any single things about you? I still remember how you run away from the doctor
during the vaccination when we were 3 years old" he's laughing and now even his eyes became so
small.
"You should forget that, that's embarrassing!" I chided though I'm laughing too. He keeps reminiscing
especially embarrassing memories and crazily laugh at me.
We arrived at the hospital around 7:00 am, I just check them and go home. Ron's with me since he said
he isn't busy. I just fix my things and plan to go back at the hospital but before that Ron and I drop at
our favourite snack house and we eat there. Waffles, fried and chocolate ice cream again like old times.
We do it often especially after school or during snack time which is every 9:00am and around 3:00 in
the afternoon.
Ronier Calvin Suarez, my childhood best friend who's a professional man now, a famous architect.
The doctor said that they already had a kidney donor and tomorrow is the perfect time for the
transplant.
"Hi mom, Stacey! Aww, my boy. Kiss sissy!" I said and Toby kissed me. I look at the remote control car,
he's playing... It's from Raze.
It's hard for me to handle my emotions but I don't want them to see my weak part at this moment, I also
don't want them to worry and blame themselves that I became like this because they use this as the
main bait. Am I thinking nonsense? I don't know!
I still can't believe everything, I can't believe that I leave Raze without any explanations and I leave him
though I always say that I'll fight for him.
"Sissy!" Toby wave his hand cutely in front of me, I was blank in a second so I just smile and hug him
then I kiss dad's forehead, he is sleeping.
We're here now at a private room, we're just talking but I'm keeping them away from mentioning Raze's
name.
"Mom, I'm very sleepy. I'm going to rest!" I said and lay down at the extension bed near the couch.
Raze, I love you so much! My tears get along with me, they silently flow and I'll wipe it before everyone
will notice and ask why.
I'm tired, my heart wants to give up, my mind and my body... they're all completely lose in their certain
mission and I'm tired too, tired to think, to cry and to act fine. Gush!
Why Cupid hit the right person at a wrong time? He doesn't know that it's hurt to have a broken heart?
Tskkk....
"Cath? Cath!"
"Hmmm?"
"It's already lunch time, let's eat!" It's mom.
I sit and look around, Ron was carrying Toby and Stacey was standing behind him, she wave at me so I
smile.
Stacey decided to stay with dad while we're eating.
"Dad how are you?" I ask after kissing his forehead, he is insanely pale.
"I'm fine, I'm the one who should ask how are you. So, how are you?" I don't know but I get teary eyes.
"I'm fine dad, you see?" I said and distance myself a bit so he can see the half of me.
"Yeah, you're fine but how's your heart since--"
"Don't worry dad, you're still my number 1, okay?" I'm just avoiding the pain, I can't cry today. Just not
today!
"Okay, let's talk heart to heart when I'm fine. I love you!" He utter sweetly that made me smile wide.
"I love you too dad, we're going to eat first!"
"Sure, eat well sweety!"
"Thanks dad!" We head the hospital's canteen after that.
"Here, I know you love it!"
"You still know it, Ron!" Mom said when Calvin put milkfish belly on my plate... like old times. I
remember that we're trading foods when we were still kids and I'll give him my vegetables and he'll give
me his milkfish belly after that he always bring milkfish belly and give it to me without any return. He is
so sweet.
"We eat a lot together before so I can't forget it!" He answered and give mom a sweet smile.
"Sus! Drama!" I joked and give them a laugh.
"Just kidding, thanks Ron²" I added.
The next day, the operation started early...maybe around 6am. We're now and still waiting outside the
ER, praying for dad's survival and safety.
Dear self,
Everything will work fine and everything happens with a good reason. Stay positive.
Love,
Self♥
Around 8am the doctor announced that the operation went well so be finally breathe normally and
we're relieved.
Dad stay at the hospital to recover and it takes three weeks and within those days I secretly cry every
night. Sometimes I laugh at myself because I'm crying, I'm crying because of the consequences of my
decisions yet I'm happy because dad eventually getting healed. Stacey go back to school like normal
days and mom is always going with Toby at the kindergarten class, they're always out every and I'm
here, doing the work at our grapes farm. I check the products before the delivery and I even help
preparing it though we have assigned workers and sometimes I'll go with our delivery team since if I'll
stay home I may just find myself crying again.
"Cathy, let's go?"
"Oh, Ron² you're already here?" We're planning to go for a drive today.
"Yeah! So you can go home early!" He's right, dad's waiting at home. Only his servant was there for
him since he can't do heavy things.
"Sure, let's go!" I said and grab my body bag.
"Jane, I'll go now. Bye! Bye guys!" I wave then they just say take care.
Ron drive until we reach the old airport then he let me drive.
"You're really good at driving, you should get a car. I bet you had a good driving instructor." I just smile
and nod. Raze is great and he's more than a good instructor.
I just drive 3 times going back and forth since he say I'm too good to stay practicing then he let me
drive until we get home.
"Ron, have a coffee before you leave!" I offer, it's already 3pm and it's really a coffee time.
"Sure, hi uncle!" He greeted dad.
"Hi, had fun?" Dad ask and out down the newspaper.
"Yeah! How's your feelings?" Ron ask him again before I excuse myself to make a coffee at the
kitchen.
"Hi mom!" She's preparing a snacks.
"Have some!" He hand me a bowl of potato chips and fries.
"Thanks mom, where's Toby?"
"He's playing with Jaira!" Ah, he's at our neighbors house, mom's friend.
"I see"
"After this I'm going to call him, where's Ron?"
"He's talking with dad"
"He looks inlove with you."
"I don't think so!"
"He is, didn't you notice his stare and smile when he's with you?"
"Mom, that's normal. He's always like that since we were kids." I reason out though it digs my
curiousity.
"Then he is in love with you since then!"
"Mom you're just thinking that, he's not in love. Okay?" I answer and on the coffee maker.
I love Ron but as a friend and I hope he won't feel more than that for me because I'm certain that I
won't develop such a very very special feelings for him. It's still you, Raze. I hope you're doing great.
Last week, I read some rumours on social media and it's about me being accused as a good digger but
I'm not and I'm wondering who spread that. I know that Mr. Rance won't do that, luckily, after a day the
issue got closed like it's a bubble. Did Raze do something for it? Arggh! How? I heard that he go to
Spain with Sabrina.
Did the engagement continue? Them he's a married man now? Arrgghhh! That's driving me crazy!
"Hija-"
"Mom?"
"You're gawk looking at the cup, what's wrong?"
"N-nothing mom, something just popped up in my mind. Nothing to worry about!" Then I smile to
convince her.
"Okay, I'll go at the living room now." She said and leave , holding a tray.
After making a coffee I head the living room too and join them eating while talking.
Toby's here now and he's comfortably sitting at Ron's lap.
Around 4pm Ron already leave, he said he has to meet someone.
"Sweety, I told you that I'll have to heart to heart talk with you!" It's been a month yet dad still remember
it.
"S-sure" I smile .
It seems like I'm ready and not ready because it's still hurt. Somehow, I manage to think positive and
calm my crying heart. No one can comfort me, only me can.
"How's your heart?"
"It's sad dad but at the same time it's happy. Gradually, it accepts everything and at least learn that not
everything we cherish will last until the end...maybe love is like a medicine or any foods, they have
expiry date."
"Yeah, but why you still smile bitterly"
"Dad, you're weird!" I laugh.
"Sweety, maybe he's not just the right man for you!"
"Maybe dad but I miss him... so much."
"I know, I often saw you looking at his pictures and hugging your teddy bear while crying."
"Dad, that means you're sneaking behind?"
"No, you're not a good pretender sweety!" I laugh.
"I'm a good pretender dad, you're just my father who can feel what I felt easily. I love you!"
"I love you too!"
"Sus, drama! Hi guys!" It's Stacey, coming from school.
"Crazy!" I chided them she kiss dad and me too then search mom and Toby to greet them.
I'm very lucky that I have them, someone to lean on.
Days had passed and months too.
I even celebrate my birthday joyfully and received a mysterious gift. It's a complete Hunter X Hunter
characters set of figurines plus I have my own. I wonder who give it but I'm so much happy while my
family give me a car and Ron give me a road bike and we often do biking around especially during
weekends.
I'm 24 now, trying to forget someone in my system, in my heart but Raze, I cant.i still love you so much.
One day, I was scrolling on my social media accounts when I saw a job hiring that I know it would fit for
me yet I ignore it but later on dad informed me about the same job hiring, he said he read it on his
newspaper. Xgames, searching for an animator and games designer. Should I give it a try? I've been
moving on for almost 4 months, I guess it's time to step forward.
The job was on Cazila, the memorable city for me. I might see Raze again there but how? I guess he's
still in Spain. Raze? What happened why you still rejected Sabrina? Do you still love me? Sorry! I'm not
the one for you, your dad won't allow it. I know you take good care of my heart because it's still beating
for you. Sadly, fate just want us to enjoy that little moment. I miss those old times like how I badly
missed you. I sigh!
"Mom, dad! I made up my mind. I guess I have to try applying at Xgames!"
"I guess or it's you should?"
"Hmm, I think it's I should mom!" I reply and laugh, sounds like hesitating.
"Give it a try so you can make yourself more busy!"
"That's it dad? I will dad, I'm going to prepare my forms now."
"Sure hija! I know you're qualified."
"I think so, mom! I'm going at the coffee shop nearby. I'll prepare my papers there."
"Sure hija, drive safely."
"Thanks mom, bye dad!" I said and spun around to get my backpack at my room where my laptop was
inside. I'm just planning to apply online yet I'll visit their company at the interview. I sent the company
my mail and luckily they requested me to pass my requirements so I pass it right away.
After a moments and after finishing the 3rd cup of my coffee I received their reply.
Xgames company: We schedule you for an interview this coming Friday, 2pm.
Ledesma, St. Blanko road 103. That's the address and it's signed by Miles Trivor Dench, the owner.
That's kind of unexpected but I'm glad.
Friday? That'll be the 3rd day after tomorrow so I guess I'm not going to travel by plane. I'm going to
bring my baby thunder, my car, so, the vessel is the best choice.
I go home and tell my parents about the good news and they're happy about it plus they support me to
bring baby thunder which excites me more.
The day of my new adventure, it's Tuesday. I'm here inhaling the fresh air from the ships deck and soon
we're going to arrive at Cazila. I'm excited, I'm going to find a condominium unit when I arrived, that's
my plan since mom didn't use my money for dad's medication.
We arrived after an hour and I'm excited to drive baby thunder around the city.
"Thank you!" I said to the crew because he drive my car out of the ship.
Using a Google maps I travel smoothly though I'm a bit nervous, it's my first time driving at a spacious
highway, just to be honest.
I successfully find a condominium unit around 1pm, luckily that's near Xgames.
Awww! Thanks God for being so nice and easy to me.
There's already a bed and some furnitures but I still need a couch and other appliances so I order
online, the arrival of the package will be the day after tomorrow. Whooo~ I'm getting really excited.
The most awaited time, my job interview.
"For the experience, I only have tried to work at Texno as their animator and games designer!" I don't
know but they start whispering and ...
"You're hired!" The boss did utter, the most promising and amazing words I heard today.
My reaction was priceless after the congratulate me, it's just that everything happens fast than
expected. The boss tells me that I may start to work immediately if I want he is kinda witty and jolly. He
is risible the reason why he can make us laugh easily...I don't know but his gestures, expressions plus
his exaggerated of impersonating voice tune.
I start working the next day, it's a happy Monday.
I arrived at my cubicle with a bouquet of flowers on it. "Have a great start beautiful" that's what written
on the note. I look around but no one who acts weird around. It has a pleasant and sweet smell, the
flowers, I love it. I just put it aside and start my job. I'll know who give me the bouquet in no time, I'm
sure of that.
I received a flowers everyday and a coffee from Starbucks every 3pm but I'm didn't drink it since I don't
know where it from. I love coffee but I don't know if I'm safe with that. I still wonder who give those. I
just want to know until one time the boss wants to talk to me but it's not job related... kind of personal.
"I like you Lorence" I was stiffened to prevent also myself from unnecessary reactions.
"Is that a joke sir?" I awkwardly ask.
"I'm a Joker but I don't, I mean it! Don't worry, I just want to tell you!"
"A-ah, okay sir! I'm sorry"
"Please don't say sorry, okay? You sounds like a beautiful criminal if you do!" He said and we laugh
together. How can he get to joke at a serious moment?
"I hope you won't distance yourself, I want you to be my friend but if there's a chance I wanna be your
more than that!" He smile and mess my hair.
Alright, I didn't feel awkward. I still feel comfortable after his confession.
He's a good boss, I noticed and I know since I work under him for almost 2 months now.
Sorry sir Trivor, I have someone important here inside my heart, something I want that impossible to
have... I can't have him anymore. It's still you Pryce Raze Coleman.
I work hard and made a fruit that I deserve. Finally, after a lot of time I have my success and my heart
recovery too. Raze mold me to be the best version of me not just for him but also to do things for
others, to make them fully satisfied and happy.
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