"Have a seat Mr. Dench and?" Raze look at me, the same questioning look like Trivor.
"She's Ms. Celo" Trivor introduced me as he noticed that I'm not in the right state as of the moment.
"I don't want to repeat myself" Raze said and he is kind of intimidating now but the only thing I felt right
now is sadness.
I'm sad because he is in front of me but he is acting like he don't know me. I'm really sad or I'm literally
hurt? His voice, his serious face, and the authoritative aura reminds me the past where I can change all
of it to a plain joyful one yet now... his eyes were blank like he don't know me at all. That hurts me
because I'm expecting him to get mad at me.
"Celo!" I answered, pissed.
All of those months, thought I already have moved on but seeing him now... my heartbeat stays wild
and still singing his name.
Why I feel like crying? Why I suddenly want to hug him and say sorry... that I still love him and missed
him so much! Darn it!
"Mr. Dench are you sure that she's the best from your company?" He ask Trivor sarcastically.
"Yeah! One of the famous games today was under her project!" Trivor was proud of it and I never
expected to hear it. I'm scared now, I'm scared that Raze may check that game and he won't be
satisfied. I'm scared to be criticized by him and call me a bad game developer.
Shit! Where's my confidence now? I feel like my life is a game and seeing him means game over
because I can do nothing against him even though I gave in myself years ago. I still lose.
Do men always win? I guess.
"I see" he just reacted and look at me like he is anticipating what's inside my head.
We're here to propose a collaboration with Texno, doing a new project with them is also a good choice
since they're the number one and top developer around the world. We also need their ideas, some
upgraded equipments, strategy and also to have some observations.
On the other hand, my heart keeps palpitating like I had 20 cups of coffee in just one go.
I didn't expect that he can still affect this damn severe... I feel like dying and now about to faint.
"What's wrong Ms. Celo? You looks pale!" I look other way, trying to escape from Raze's gaze because
if I won't I'll abruptly out of breath.
"N-nothing Sir. May I go to the comfort room?"
"Sure! Comfort yourself!" Is he joking? Raze is crazy!
"Go sweetheart, don't hold it yourself!" Trivor added and laugh at me, I just twitched my lips before I
spun around.
"Crazy!" I replied before I squinted at Raze, he is gritting his teeth? The language of his face say so.
"Venise please accompany our guest to the nearest comfort room." I heard Raze and Venise stood and
bow at him like she is saying "Yes señiorito!" I walk outside the room with Venise following me. I
wonder where's Tyron this time.
"Where's the CR?" I ask, I don't want to shut in silence because something is blatantly bothering inside
my head.
"At floor 22, are you his...ahm-" she suddenly look hesitant. I'm sure she's pertaining about Raze and I.
"I was!" I I answer. I didn't know that saying the word 'was' can break a broken heart too, double kill.
"I see, I saw you on the news!" She replied and I choose not to answer. I don't want to know about the
content of it because I know... it can make my feelings worst.
Venise lead the way as we arrived at the next lower floor after that I tell her that I can go back myself
then she go back like a polite kid.
I'm not going to pee or something, I'm here now at the comfort room, facing the wide mirror. I thought
I'm here to calm myself yet I'm here for a quick breakdown. I never thought that I met him here, I mean
why today? I thought he's still not here because there's no new latest news about him. Why? And why
I'm crying again?
Didn't I already moved on? Then why it's still painful that even a single memory stabs me at my weak
part... and seeing him earlier is like my spicy nightmare. I like it how I know, I don't!
I wipe my tears and took a deep breath again and again. I have to go out or else they'll think I'm weird
and suspicious. I put a powder and a lip tint on before I go out. I just compose myself again, trying to
hold the beast inside me that literally in pain.
The building change a bit, it's because of the new interior design. I'm wondering why Raze go back
here in Cazila. Tsk! I'm really killing myself, why I can't kick him out of my mind? I get inside the
elevator with four others absent-mindedly.
"Cath?" I heard so I look sideward, I'm inside the elevator now and I saw Ranz. I didn't notice him.
"Ranz? Fudge! How are you?" I ask, suddenly, my mood brightens.
"Still a huge fan of anime. I didn't recognize your that fast, you're pretty!" He said, I gave him a quick
hug.
"I missed you, how are the girls?" I ask.
"They're fine. Liza already got married months ago and we had a new team member after you left, left
us with curiousity."
"I'm sorry, it's just that something was not right" I replied, I'm not really close to Liza but I'm happy for
her. Fate wasn't really cruel, for her, at least.
Ranz go at the superior's office so we separate ways. I arrived at Raze's office, they're already
discussing things.
"We can start working it soon but I want it to be done here at Texno. Just send here your most
competent employees and you! Let's see what you've got!" He is intimidating. They're both signing a
contract while I'm here checking the time and badly want to leave the place especially here at his office.
"Sign here!" Raze commanded.
"Huh?"
"I don't want to repeat!" Why he is like that? I wanna cry. I just want to know what's that about, why he
have to respond that way?
I signed it.
"Thanks Mr. Coleman, it's our pleasure working with you!" Trivor said before they shook each others
hand.
"Let's go!" He uttered so I hurriedly stood up and step away with Trivor.
"Ms. Celo!"
"S-sir?"
"You leave your phone!" I look at the single seater and I saw my phone there. I was rushing and even
forgot my phone. Aish!
Being eager to leave ASAP is no good!
I go back while Trivor stays, waiting.
"How can you leave something important!" He coldly say as I pick my phone up. I'm affected.
He stood and put his hands inside his pocket so I turn around and walk ahead. My heart's thudding so
bad!
"I didn't know that you can cherish a gift!" He almost whisper. I don't know what he is saying not until I
saw my reflection at the glass wall. I'm wearing one of my favourite dress, unfortunately, it's from him. I
can't throw away my remembrance of him, I didn't try to. I don't know what to say so I just look at him
for a second and look away then continue heading out.
~~~
"Cath? Are you listening?" Trivor repeated. I blink twice before I went back to my mind.
"Ha?"
"I said tomorrow you'll go at Texno directly with 2 others."
"O-okay!" I don't really know what to say. I'm not ready to face him again.
"I think I'll choose Andrie and Drex to work with you!"
"And I think that's better!" I replied. Those boys were my friends so I'm very comfortable to work with
them. After that I do my job at Xgames and go home early. I sleep after crying, my tears know that I'm
tired, tired to understand my feelings so it allow me to sleep. Darn it!
I was awakened by my alarm clock, as always. It's already 6:00am so I hurriedly prepare since Texno is
a bit far from home. Yes! I already have a house, I brought this 10 months ago. I decided to live on my
own yet my family often visit here, their vacation house also.
I, myself planned the design of my house with the help of my best friend, Ronier. Luckily, this
subdivision has a great offer, there's already a ready built houses in row and on the other side the
houses here were only few because the space were really for those who wants their own house design
and how wide the lot they afford to buy. A kind of pricey yet satisfying.
I just transferred here 3 months ago, the day after the construction was done, after designing the
interior and do settle the appliances and furnitures.
I wear a pink ruffles spaghetti strap top and tuck it in inside my skirt and I wear my coat. I just want to
be more formal and it's also paired with my black stilleto. Aish! I'm going to drive, I remember so I wear
flipflops and put my heels inside my paper bag.
I didn't eat breakfast, I'm lazy to cook today so I drop at a restaurant. My favourite one where I spent
my breakfast often especially those on lazy morning. I head at my favourite spot yet it's already
occupied and who sits there shocks me.
It's Raze and he is eating with someone. Who's with him? She's his girlfriend? Fiance? Wife? Aish! I
didn't know that I still know how to get jealous. Darn it!
I was planning to turn around without making him noticed yet before I leave to search for a new seat
our gaze had met that wakes my butterflies inside my stomach. Shit! It's been a while since the last
time I felt it. I found it weird now.
I took a table far from them and hurriedly take an order.
"Here's your order ma'am!"
"Thanks! Oh? I didn't order Omo rice and Gordon bleu!" I complained but honestly I like it too.
"That's already paid ma'am!" The waiter explained and smile.
I looks at Raze's direction. Is it possible that he ordered this knowing that it's one of my favourite?
Hmmm, I'm just over thinking.
"T-thanks" I said before he leave. I take a coffee first before enjoying the meal, that's my always
favourite first thing to do before eating.
I play a music and plug my earphone and continue eating, in that way I can focus only on eating and
felt comfortable knowing that Raze was just around. I ask my bill and pay ... I want to leave now so our
path won't cross this early.
I rush outside but fuck!
"Ouch! Look at your way!" A girl shouted that cause a little commotion.
"Sorry ma'am!" I said and look at her, she's the girl earlier with Raze and yeah! She's still with Raze.
"Sorry!" I said again and open my car's door. I even panicked as I start my engine so I calm myself first
before leaving the place.
I change my earphone into inpods then call Drex before I place my phone at the holder.
"Yow! Good morning pretty!"
"Hi handsome, where are you now?" I ask while still looking at the way.
"I'm on my way to Texno while Andrie was already there, waiting for us."
"I see, I'm on my way too. See you, bye for now handsome!" I smile, without a reason.
"Bye, take care!"
"Thanks!" I said before I drop the call.
I focused driving until I arrived at Texno.
To Andrie: Which floor are you now? Good morning!
To Drex: I'm here already!
I'm nervous, I feel like I lost direction.
From Andrie: I'm here at floor 18, there's a lot of beautiful ladies here.
I laugh as I read his message.
To Andrie: I'll head there now, see you in a bit.
I get inside the elevator and I wasn't expecting that I'll bump with Raze with his woman inside. Kind of
insane unexplainable day. Darn it!
I'm about to step back when he said I have to go with them. I have no choice but being with the two of
them inside is suffocating. Whoooo~
I plug my inpods again. I can't bare their sweetness. I can't stop myself for feeling the pain and jealousy
though I don't have the right. Darn it!
Complicated heart is now playing♪♪♪♪♪
Don't know what to say now
Don't know where to start
I don't know how to handle
A complicated heart
You tell me you are leaving
But I just have to say
Before you throw it all away
Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you're coming home
If you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me my love will still remain
Don't know what you're thinking
To me it seems quite tough
To hold a conversation
When words are not enough
So this is your decision
And there's nothing I can do
I can only say to you
Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you're coming home
If you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me my love will still remain.
Shit! What's wrong with my music? I don't have him to lean on. I thought I can escape from hearing
their sweet conversation yet this hurts me. Gush! I'm being so sensitive since yesterday.
The elevator opens at floor 18 so I hurriedly go out and again, I breathe normally.
Where's the comfort room around here? I think I need to compose myself.
"W-where's the powder room here?" I ask the lady in the nearest cubicle.
"Just go straight ma'am and turn right when you arrived near the hanging plant at that corner!" She's
smiling while explaining. I hurriedly went inside there and cry just because of my crazy thought and
seeing Raze. Why did I agree to work here when I can convince Trivor not to.
Shit! I force to comfort myself and chat Andrie if where's the room for us so as I received his respond I
directly go inside. Unfortunately, the boss was already there... discussing things.
"For the late comers, I'm saying that I'll set a target date for the end of the project and collaboration."
Raze is like a ghost, I don't know where and which part of the wall he appear from.
He always unexpectedly show up!
"Good morning everyone, sir!" I nervously greeted and sit beside Andrie so I won't feel so much
uncomfortable. Drex was already here, he is kind of fast maybe he has a teleportation ability. Lol!
Where's the girl? Up until now I'm bothered. I'm really not ready to face Raze, I just thought I can.
I was assigned to plan the characters with Earl and there strength and powers. I think that's better than
doing a job that can make me close directly to the boss.
I grab a sketch pad, it's from the company. I start to draw and think about their details. I only need to
draw 3 or more characters with details today and leave if I want to so I have to finish my thing early. I'll
die of I'll stay here more longer. His presence really stops me from breathing.
I'm done creating a sketch, I need it now to be checked so I can make a digital art out of it and
movements animation later on.
"Who assigned to check the sketch?"
"Are you done?" Earl whispered so I just nod.
"It's me!" I didn't know that he's standing behind me. How can I chin up? How can I store my
confidence again?
"O-okay! Here sir!" I hand the sketch pad without looking at him because my heart thudded abnormally.
"Follow me!" He sternly commanded so I follow him. He sat at his swiveling chair and crossed his legs.
"Hmm, I want you to change the costume of this one, the name and the armour! Bring it again here
later for the final judgement." I just nod and spun around.
"Are you mute?" He added. I turn my gaze at him, full of curiosity.
"No!"
"Then why you're not responding?"
"I don't think it's necessary sir and I already responded not verbally." I calmly said, at least. How dare
him to unlike on of my best character? Tsk!
"Excuse me!" I utter when he shut in silence.
As he requested, I changed what he want to change and after that I let him check it again.
"Okay! Great!"
"Thanks sir!" I go back at my table and start my digital art. I play a music again so I can enjoy doing my
art and also to divert my attention to the song's lyrics than Raze's handsome image on my head.
I hear a finger snap in front of me so I lower the volume of the music.
"What's that sir?" It's Raze who looks scary Infront of me.
"Are you listening?"
"Y-yes sir!" I lied.
"What did I say then?"
"Are you listening?" I repeated what he say as an answer and everyone inside the room was laughing
out loud now like it was the most funny joke they ever heard.
"Tsk! Nevermind! Everyone you can take a break now and have a snacks at LitDinner." He announced
that make everyone gladly cheer.
I don't have time to break, I have to hurry and leave early.
"Cath, let's go?" Andrie draw near me with Drex.
"I'm fine, I have a cheese cake here"
"You sure? What do you want? I'll bring you some!"
"I don't have in mind. Ahmm! Fries!" I said and smile.
"Sure, then wait here beautiful!"
"Thanks handsome!" Drex pat my head and Andrie just smile and they leave together. I'm glad to have
someone like them.
I'm done with my first character. After 10 minutes, Raze and his girl go back first. She's laughing behind
him, I just squint and sneered. They looks good together. I continue working and lower the volume of
the music. I'm quite curious about their topic. That's it.
"Raze do you remember your fan that unexpectedly bump into you when we're at Spain?"
"Yeah!"
"Whahahaha! I still remember her expression saying ' omU-omU-omU! You're ICEcore! Kyaawhhh! I'm
Keana! 17 years old. Your number 1 fan. ' I laugh at the repeated times she said OMU!" She's laughing.
Nonsense, that's not funny tho.
I volume the sounds up but as I look up, checking them... I and Raze's eyes met so I look away like
nothing happened and pierced my eyes at the digital pad like I was very busy.
I'm done with my second character before the boys arrived.
"Here!" It's Drex.
"Uwoo~ thanks handsome. It's my favourite!" I happily received a cup of iced coffee, fries and chicken
sticks.
"That's not from me! I just waited for that!" He explained.
"Huh? Then where did this came from?" I ask, I already have a bite of fries.
"From the boss" he whispered.
"Eh? I can't accept this!" I whispered too and secretly looks at Raze, he is busy and currently typing
something on his laptop.
"There's a note, just read it!" We're like crazy, whispering each other seems weird. Right?
"O-okay!"
"Back to work!" Andrie laugh and sit back like Drex. They're both smiling weirdly like they know
something and they don't tell it to me. Hayss!
'Have a snacks if you don't want me to cancel the collaboration' it was written on the note. He even
have a beautiful penmanship. Gush!
Raze, why you're doing this? You're going to break the wall inside my heart again. The wall that helps
me to stand strong and stopping myself from doing reckless things like crying in front of you while
saying sorry, like getting your attention and like I'll do everything to make you back but I can't... I break
you and I don't have the right to beg. You're happy with her now. She even don't want to stay away
from you Raze.
I'm done with my job for today so I let him check my artwork again and he approved it. Thanks
goodness.
"Andrie, Drex! I'll leave now!"
"Huh? Sir Trivor will come here later for you!"
"Who said?"
"He said!"
"Ah, it's fine. I'm not feeling well today so I'll go home already. Bye!" I said and walk away.
Unfortunately, I have to pass beside Raze's table.
"I'm going home now sir!" I eat my pride just to say that.
" 'kay" his voice was cold.
I continue walking but...
"Eat a lot at lunch, drink your medicine and rest." I heard him. Is that for me? Yet, he is not looking at
me when look back. Is that really for me? Maybe he heard our conversation.
I hurriedly go home, luckily, there's no traffic. My heart tightened. I feel the pain that I only feel year
ago. Why our path crossed again? I can see no good reason why, maybe just to slap me that what I did
year ago was stupidity.
I throw myself at the bed and hugged the teddy bear he gave me before.
Baby Raze, your dad... I saw him. I always stole him a glance and I regret why I look at him. He is
happy with her, with someone new.
I'm talking to the stuff toy that I named baby Raze. My tears, they won't dry. They silently flowing while
I'm hugging tight the memories of Raze. Why I can't move on? Others said that we just have a
monthsary yet why I can't move on easily! They just don't know that the memories we build were like
we know each other since we are born. That feelings sucks.
"Huh? Then where did this came from?"
"From the boss"
'Have a snacks if you don't want me to cancel the collaboration'
"Eat a lot at lunch, drink your medicine and rest."
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