I’m surprised to hear Mico talking so candidly to someone he never seems to question. I guess they
think I am totally out cold and can't hear them talking around me, because let’s face it, I am planked out
star-shaped on a bed with a dead expression, closed eyes and barely able to move and I probably look
like I am in a coma.
I wish I was, and maybe I would not feel so wretched or out of my head on crazy hallucinogens.
I like Mico, he’s a thug and a brutal henchman, but I like the fact he’s probably the first person I have
ever met that shows any concern for me, except maybe Gino. He seemed to do that too for a brief
moment in that posh house so very far away.
I wonder why he has a family home that he never uses.
Focus Camilla … stop floating off on the sea breeze.
Jesus, I am definitely high.
‘‘You’re not taking her in the shower or stripping her, I’m the only one who’s going to do that.’’ There's
that edge of possessiveness and I literally cannot move a muscle. I feel paralysed from the waist down
and yet the weird dreamlike state is doing a great job of not caring about anything anymore. It’s like
being merry drunk just, you know, without the merry and just the drunk.
‘‘What, you don’t trust me? You think I’m going to do anything to her? I have more respect for her than
anyone … More than you fucking do. You need to lay off her, let her go and realise who you’re fucking
throwing accusations at. You may be the family front man Lex, but I’m still a Carrero and an equal voice
in how things go down.’’ Mico sounds angry and I wish I could open my eyes to see what they’re doing.
It’s weird listening to an argument when your brain is blocking out any sense of what they are
physically doing and playing the sound of rushing waves in your ears at loud levels.
‘’I don’t trust anyone when it comes to her, she’s bad news and I curse the day she walked into my life.’’
‘’All the more reason to just go. I’ll make sure she gets well, and then I’ll take her to Chicago and leave
her there like you planned. She will be out of your hair and off Santagato’s radar for good.’’ I hold still
as I listen intently and a part of me reconnects with my heart beating faster, a tiny ounce of hope that
this is the reason he did this to me, to protect me from that man, and that maybe I was right, that night
did mean something.
Like a homing beacon in outer space that just locked onto an Earth signal, my brain comes zooming
back to perk up and listen intently for any slight hope that my devil is doing something for me because
there is something in him that cares about me. ‘’I should have let her die that night at the hands of
Tyler’s men …‘‘ Alexi trails off, the room falling deathly silent and I feel that weight crushing in on me as
my orbit implodes, the pain that comes from the things he says cuts me to the core, spinning me out
into space and I realise how many times he’s done this to me.
He builds me up with a hint of hope or softness and then slashes me down brutally and destroys my
head. I’m an idiot to ever give myself any false hope where Alexi is concerned. I will never learn. He will
never care, he cannot stand me.
‘‘You’re a son of a bitch sometimes you know that? She’s better off a million miles away from this
bullshit. The girl needs a decent break. Someone out there who will look after her and show her
another life.’’ Mico sounds pissed, judgemental and I stay still as a statue as I just try to breathe
through my disembodied ache, trying not to cry, and trying to stay conscious as darkness keeps
tugging at me to follow it out into the silence.
‘‘So you keep telling me, women like her, they end up where they belong.’’ Alexi making it very clear
that this is a feeling of responsibility and nothing else.
Women like me … whores, liars and opportunists.
That’s what he thinks I am, and all he sees is a jaded vessel who has been used by too many men.
I give up on my sad little ray of hope and just feel dishevelled once more. Trying hard to block them out
and really pass out. Willing to give in to the darkness before he does any more mental damage to me.
Someone starts pulling my body but I can barely feel their hands on me. I’m not connected anymore
and do not react at all, allowing myself to be hauled down the bed and manoeuvred. It just sends me
further towards the darkness and I struggle to stay conscious this time, failing badly.
‘‘Well, I’ll make it my goal to make sure she ends up somewhere decent then, away from you, us and
all the shit that goes with it. The girl needs a break in life,’’ Mico bites as I drift away so fast I can’t stop
it and I finally get the relief of falling through the air to go nestle in the darkness where it’s painless,
quiet and still.
A place where strong arms and warmth wrap around me and I start floating as we travel through space.
I wake up in bed, tucked in nice and cleanly with a nightdress on and a much clearer head; I feel less
unwell yet still fragile and bruised with a lingering temperature. That cotton wool head is not as severe,
and my throat no longer feels like razor blades are lodged in the passage. I think it must have been a
virus and last night it hit its peak with a little help from a New York thunderstorm.
This is what my body does, it gets sick and lingers for days and then WHAM like a flash flood it will
spike, knock me for six for an intense twelve hours and flush it out of my system. It’s how I have been
my whole life.
I jump when a girl wanders through from the bathroom and smiles at me, catching me completely by
surprise as I assumed I was alone. She looks no more than a teenager and I gawp at her with complete
suspicion, no idea who she is or why she’s wandering the apartment like some sort of candy-striper.
‘‘Who are you?’’ I blink at her defensively, struggling to sit up and pull the bed clothes up over the
nightdress I now seem to be wearing. I don’t stop to question who took my underwear off and put this
on instead, and I don’t think I want to know when only two men were here last night.
‘’Hi there. Sorry. Didn’t mean to give you a fright. I’m Rebecca, Mico said I was to take care of you until
he gets back.’’ She fidgets awkwardly, and I scan her up and down with open speculation. She’s
dressed in jeans, a jumper and trainers, her blond hair up in a ponytail and I just regard her for a long
moment.
A youthful looking fresh-faced teen with freckles, dimples and sweet brown eyes. Poster child for
wholesome American youth.
‘’Who are you, exactly?’’ I pull myself to sit up and blink at the bright light that catches me from the slats
in the blind. Covering my eyes I notice a glass of water on the bedside tray, propped beside an array of
supplies from the chemist that Mico left.
‘’I’m Mico’s fiancée’s sister; Mandy was here last night ,but she had to go to work and left me with you.
I’m your nurse, sort of, for today.’’ She looks completely normal. Not like a gangster’s sister-in-law to be
and wonder what kind of family allows their daughter to date a crazy mobster. This looks like a perky
college girl from some cheesy American teen movie and not some second generation Italian who
knows the score and turns a blind eye to the underworld activities.
‘‘Why did he make you come here? And Mandy, is she Mico’s fiancée?’’ I blink at her, not getting this at
all, I’m sure I could have survived one night without some random girl seeing me butt naked and
dressing me in my own negligee. It was just a fever or, some viral infection, and I feel tons better this
morning. Alexi overreacted and Mico, well, he just did as he was told and now he’s making sure he
doesn’t get yelled at again.
‘’Well you were really sick. Mandy is a nurse, so we helped him get you comfortable as you were out of
it all night and yeah Mandy and Mico go way back to kindergarten and fell in love. How are you feeling
today?’’
I honestly do not know how to deal with this girl, her concern seems genuine, and she’s annoyingly
sweet and almost likeable. It’s weird to know I am missing a chunk of my night while complete
strangers took care of my unconscious body. I don’t think I have had anything like that happen outside
of a hospital in the many times I dragged myself to one.
‘’Better, weak, but not like I was. What happened to Alexi?’’ It’s out before I can monitor my stupid
mouth, heart sinking and knowing I’m just setting myself up for another slap to my pride. He was here, I
remember him sort of, I remember something about being in water with his face beside mine, but I think
I was dreaming.
‘’Lex was here until after one; until your fever broke and you started to cool. He left when you were
calm and stopped thrashing around and talking in your sleep. Wilson his doctor was here, he gave you
some injections to help you get better and told us to let you rest.’’
He stayed long enough to know I was pulling through the worst and not running my mouth off probably.
Although it doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t care. He would have missed his entire dinner if he
stayed till after midnight and I know how much he hates having to rework plans. He’s anal about never
being late for anything, except when he has me waiting on him, then he completely disregards time. I
have no idea what to make of that at all. Doesn’t fit the guy who blanked me for two weeks and then
threatened to snap my neck.
‘‘Talking in my sleep … what about?’’ I sidestep, trying not to over analyse it, knowing how much of a
head fuck he can be. I am, however, completely alarmed at the talking out while high on fever, but the
girl just shrugs nonchalantly.
‘’Bad dreams, obviously just nightmares about monsters and pain, random things like calling out not to
hurt you. You must have been hallucinating badly as you were making no sense and your dreams must
have been something awful. Lex kept trying to keep you calm and still.’’ She flutters and smiles at the
mention of his name and I get that creep of heat and try to shake it away, hoping to God he never
clicked that I was crying out from memory and that in my dreams I do still see and feel the monsters.
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